the boys

the boys

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Infant and Childhood SOP's

OK appears from talking to so many of you that there is not only a Situation Room, but these dang little people actually have a manual for their maneuvers!!! Can you believe it? And they share it with each other. Which only leads me to

Do you think they have it tucked all down in their swaddle when they leave the hospital? Like there is some little maternity ward elf who hands them out as they leave. Or do they pass it to each other in the cereal aisle at the grocery store? There's gotta be some at the pediatricians office. The nurse takes the baby's weight and while we are oohhing and ahhing over how much he/she has gained the baby is sneaking a copy from behind the scale. Parks and play areas are a given. They must have those things stashed at every slide and bouncy thing-a-majig from here to well....everywhere really! I'm pretty sure this has gone world wide. I can't imagine that they share them with each other at church. Wouldn't that be a sin? Or is it God's way of testing our patience? Good thing He's a forgiving God too :)

Not sure about daycares. There might be a whole different manual for those environments. More troops equals the need for a whole other level of planning. Or perhaps it's just covered in the appendix. And I imagine the appendix also covers other events where large number of children can come together in a unified group (dare I say army?) You know, the usuals like birthday parties, weddings, family gatherings and other large get togethers where there is more opportunity to increase their manpower.

And if they somehow miss out on it early know the ones....the babies that sleep through the night right away or latched on on the first try or never fuss at 6 pm or never poop on their outfit right before pictures...the information gets to them just a little later than everyone else.

OH! Maybe it's part of the fine print and ads in the back of our trashy gossip magazines. The part we never read. When we aren't looking they grab the magazine and right there next to the jeweled underwear proclaiming the new bride's married name and the pill for rock hard abs is a small ad advising the young troops to look next to the Fruit Loops on aisle 7 for their very own copy of the manual.

And what's it called? The Infant and Toddler Standard Operating Procedures? Childhood for Dummies? What To Expect When Your Mother Is Headed Towards the Nuthouse?

And the chapters? There's ones for single children and others for sibling groups. Still other chapters for multiples (God help that mother!) and blended families. I believe I'll delve into the chapters in another post.

It's all quiet on the home front for now. Better use this chance to get some housework done before the next invasion.

1 comment:

  1. housework? i recommend a glass of wine and a nap instead, but i bet you could have guessed that. love your blog, it is awesome! thanks for sharing :)