the situation room

I was out of town for most of this week and my dear husband stayed home with the boys for the first time EVER. I was pretty nervous in the weeks/months leading up to it. After all, I'm sure NO ONE could ever do as good a job parenting as good ol' mom. But I had to stick with my good ol' mantra: "It's not wrong, it's just different." More on that in another post.

But low and behold (what does that even mean?) he aces it. The boys have a ball, the house is clean, the laundry is done, and everyone still seems sane when I get home.

Then he leaves for a business trip and I have the boys for 3 days and low and behold (because I think I'll just stick with it) we are back in CRAZY town. He literally leaves at 5:30 and the crazy starts at 6:30. The morning starts off with probably one of my favorite things. J comes up every morning and climbs in bed with me. He has to lay on a particular side and in a particular position so that he is equally snuggled in while still able to see the TV for morning cartoons. Luckily I've got nowhere to be today so I'm good to just snuggle in. And fortunately for me today there is no demand (and I do mean DEMAND) for his morning juice (yet). Then #2, L, wakes up. I can hear him talking in his crib. I think to myself that I should go down there but oh how I'm all warm and snuggly. And unfortunately for me (and the hippo) I wait too long.

I head downstairs to greet him which is another favorite part of my day. Always welcomed with a big smile and a HI MAMA! And today welcomed with another lovely little bonus. Poop on his cheek. So let's get this straight. You've been digging in your diaper and it's on your face, the crib sheet, and one of your babies (stuffed hippo)? So I remove the hippo and 1, 2, 3: FREAK OUT! Really? I mean, really? You want me to leave the plush toy with poop in the bed? And I'M the bad person here? I'm trying to do you a favor, bud. How in all of your 17 months of life can you not realize that? Oh right....17 months. Gotcha. After all, you are the one that has had your hand down your pants for the last few minutes. On the other hand you are a boy so I'm not all that convinced this action is going to change.

So I'm thinking...they saves this crap (no pun intended) for me. Because while I'm cleaning a small person and the bedding, J is starting to not so nicely ask for his juice. Oh yeah. Sure. No prob. Let me just stop cleaning up poop and pour you a nice little cup of juice. Anything else I can get you?

I'm convinced they conspire against me. They have little meetings downstairs in their playroom. They plan it all out. As soon as I disappear upstairs they flip the switch. A video screen emerges from behind the toy box with a blue print of the house to efficiently enact their plan. The puzzles all flip over to be note pads. J stands at the front of the room with his pointer (his Mickey Mouse lightsaver sword) to instruct all troops. L and the 2 dogs....because let's be honest...they are TOTALLY in on it too......sit at attention prepared for the assignment. Crayons poised to take notes. They've got an easel set up with charts, maps, and graphs on how it's all gonna go down.

It's the toy room/situation room.

"Ok team (and thank goodness their team is only a duo at this point!) at 0600 I'll wake up and turn on the charm. Then at 0630 you see if you can squeeze out a few terds to smear around and then lure her into your room. I'll stand in the doorway just as she starts cleaning it up and act as if I literally might die of thirst if I'm not supplied with even a small sip of juice in the next 30 seconds. I'll turn on the sass at about 0945 and you see if your hitting/spitting combo can work her into a freak out. I'll bet you 2 hotwheels we can get her to raise her voice by 0947."

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!