Tuesday, August 2, 2016
Parenting, schmarenting. I have my good days and I have my why-in-the-world-did-anyone-
think-it-was-a-good-idea-for- me-to-be-in-charge-of-small- people days.
I recently had one of the latter. It involves the stupid tooth fairy. I hate that bitch. She always comes at the most inconvenient time. A tiny flying Tinkerbelle sort of thing that comes into a child's room at night and crawls under his pillow to steal his tooth? CREEEEEPY! Why? My husband tries to tell the kids that the TF actually eats their teeth. I nearly threw up in my mouth even thinking about it.
As usual with anything that even remotely relates to parenting, I was completely unprepared. Justin's tooth had been "super loose" for weeks. I had stopped paying attention to anything having to do with teeth. Except for brushing of course. I make sure they brush their teeth. Every-ish day.
Anyway, his tooth falls out and we set it on the kitchen counter where all bloody former body parts belong and then we forget about it for two days. It just sits there with all of the other crap including unpaid bills, random change, the still uncompleted school residency form for the upcoming school year, a Kohl's coupon, an empty fruit snack bag, and items that William has set aside for his "collection".
Then comes the night that he actually remembers to stick it under his pillow for weirdo fairy witch to come take it and leave money. Oh, MONEY??? Nope, don't have any of that. Of course Jeremy the cash cow is at the firehouse and I don't have a single bill on me other than the unpaid ones on the counter.
But guess who does have money?
Yup, I stole from my 3 year old's piggy bank. Parenting win!
And have I paid those $3 back to Will's piggy bank? Oh no I have not. Why? Because I am generally unethical and Will is clueless and 3 years old and he doesn't know any different and I'm really busy with a lot of other things that are more important than finding three dollar bills to stuff back in a glass pig.