Not the Easter Bunny's finest moment

Spoiler alert for all people ages 10 and under:  I play the role of the Easter Bunny in this story!

The flu hit our house on Easter weekend.  Makes me so sad.  I love Easter church masses and was really looking forward to a day with my family!  But alas, it was not to be. 

After 2 full days of the boys with the flu, Easter Eve started with a 9:30 pm phone call from Jeremy.  He was at work and trying to convince himself that his stomach ache was from the hamburger he ate at dinner.  Nevermind the fact that he had stayed up all night on Thursday with a vomiting child and then spent the entire day on Friday with 2 sick boys.  Yeah sure honey.  It's probably the hamburger.

Sure enough, 11:30 pm rolls around and he is doubled over in pain.  Can barely stop upchucking long enough to tell me he's on his way home.  He made the drive home and arrived just after midnight.  Happy Easter.

Now it's 4 am.  Leo wakes up having thrown up in bed again.  We go through the now very familiar routine of clean up, so much so that he is telling me what to do step by step.  I have no idea where he gets his bossy side!

And now it's Easter morning.  My grand plan had been for Jeremy to hide all candy/eggs when he arrived home from work.  Clearly that wasn't happening.  As the boys made their way upstairs as they do every morning, I rolled over in bed only to discover that I, too, have a little bit of a rumble in the belly going on.  Well, that's just freaking great!  All possible Easter Bunny's are down for the count.  But I must pull through. 

I head downstairs under the guise of getting their morning juice.  With each step my stomach is turning.  I finally make it downstairs where I open 2 bags of candy and decide to just throw them in some piles on the living room floor.  Then I grab their Easter baskets that I had made the night before, position them on the couch, grab their juices and head back upstairs. 

I make the grand announcement that the Easter Bunny has arrived to which Justin replies "Oh, I bet he put out our eggs that we colored last night."  Well, son of a bunny!!!  I forgot the darned colored eggs! 

I might be sick but I can still think on my feet (plus my sick kids were a little slow on the uptake).  I told him that I should go down by myself and check.  I hurried....ok, that's a lie....I made my way downstairs holding my stomach.  Grabbed 6 of their eggs and put them on the living room floor with the rest of the piles.  The smell sent me over the edge.  This time before I went back up I grabbed the ol' puke bucket.  It wasn't looking good at this point.

The boys come downstairs to see what the Easter Bunny has delivered.  Nothing was hidden.  Just sitting there in plain site.  Not a plastic egg to be found!  They could have cared less.  Thank goodness for low expectations.  They ran right past all of the candy and straight to their baskets.  As they reveled in their gifts, I sat on the bottom step of our stairs holding tight to the puke bucket, just praying I could at least see them through this part of the morning. 

Then from upstairs in the spare bedroom I hear Jeremy yelling for me.  He is sicker than a dog and has a list of things he needs from me including water, toilet paper, and I'm not sure what else because instead of helping I just yelled back at him that I am sick too and I'm trying to watch the kids do their Easter morning stuff.  Such a lovely wife. 

Halfway through the boys going through their baskets I remember that I should be capturing this fine minute on film.  I grabbed our camera, laid on a throw pillow on the floor and took a few pictures. 

What a bummer of an Easter morning for me, but clearly the boys never noticed the difference!! 

Sassy McSasserson and his sidekick Big Bossy McGee star in The Day After the Flu

The flu has hit the O'Brien household.  And while I am thankful we are downward slope of this fun ride, this place between illness and full recovery has been...well, interesting to say the least.  The combination of weak stomachs, dehydration, exhaustion, low fevers, and cabin fevers = sassy with a capital S.

Fortunately for me, my wonderful husband picked up the first 2 shifts (middle of the night Thursday and work day on Friday) so most of the dirty work...literally DIRTY work...was done by the time I got home from work yesterday. 

This morning started with Leo waking up for all of 10 minutes to get doses of Tylenol and Mickey Mouse before falling back asleep in my bed.  Justin on the other hand woke up with a skip in his step.  He comes bounding up the steps ready to take on the day.  He announced he is hungry.  (ya think??)  Very specifically his announcement of hunger was "Mom, my belly said oink.  Or maybe it's going to throw up, but I think it just said oink."

We headed downstairs where he begged for every possible kind of breakfast.  He had yet to keep any food down except for 3 bites of banana last night so we were going slow.  He even tried to talk me into making blueberry muffins by telling me they are healthy.  "REALLY, they are mom."  But momma ain't in the mood to clean up blueberry vomit today so we stuck to toast. 

We made it through the morning with both boys being relatively low key.  Movies, Leapsters, small snacks.  We even made it through a small lunch of eggs and banana bread.  Very manageable.  Leo took a decent afternoon nap, but Justin just played with his imaginary friends and his stuffed animals in his bed for an hour or so.

And then the afternoon hit.  Seriously, I think it may have actually smacked me upside the head! 

Enter: Sassy McSasserson and his sidekick Big Bossy McGee.  Below is as close as I could get to an exact transcript of their conversation.  I was in the middle of banking but I whipped open a Word document to get this all on paper.  It was THAT good.  I'll admit upfront that I should have stopped this little tirade, but it was too freaking hilarious.

Justin's lack of nap was starting to wear on him.  He was getting very frustrated with his Leapster Wolverine game and so began the meltdown.  And ever the annoying little brother, Leo pounced. 

Leo: I not crying mommy.  Justee crying!! (as he waves his plastic shovel in Justin's face).

Justin: Don't get me with your shovel, Leeee-O.

Leo: Then you aren’t coming to my house!  (his new favorite sassy phrase).

Justin: I’m already at your house.

Leo: Well then OK. FINE.

(Justin mumbles some words of frustration with his Leapster.)

Leo: Quit saying words!  Mom, put Justin to bed.

Me: No, Leo.  And quit sassing.  Justin is just tired.

Leo: Well then YOU are not listening to ME!  (then to Justin in his very best bossy voice and with a wagging finger) YOU don't get to see the hamster at Big Daddy's house (Jeremy's parents).  So never mind!  (then some mumbled I didn't catch)

Me: What was the last part?

Leo: You heard me mom!  And you don't get to go to Big Daddy's house.

Justin: Everyone gets to go to Big Daddy's house!  Even mom gets to go because she is the one who drives. 

and I just start laughing out loud.  The whole conversation is just hilarious, but of course I am offending Justin by laughing at them.

Justin:  MOM. IT'S.  NOT.  FUNNY!  You are hurting my feelings.

So I try to get it under control.  And then Justin resumes Leapster playing for all of about 5 seconds before he gets frustrated again. He reports in a very firm voice that he is giving it away, which for some reason is his new thing.  He wants to give all of his stuff away as some sort of self punishment.  I asked who he will give it to and he says "Gavin.  Yeah, I will just give it to Gavin."  I told him we are not giving away his Leapster and I end up just having to turn the game off.  Which of course causes more of a meltdown.  He is laying on my shoulder sobbing when Leo pipes up again.

Leo:  NO PLAYING!

Justin through his sobs:  We aren't playing Leo.  Does this LOOK like we are playing??  If you don't stop sassing mom then I won't give you a Scooby Doo sticker chart.  I was going to give you one after bedtime next week. 

Leo reverts back to:  You can't come to Big Daddy's house anymore.

Justin: Everyone goes to Big Daddy's house!


Leo: Weeeeelllll, Sammy and Saydie don't go!  (our dogs). 

Oh, he gotcha there Justin!!!

Justin: Well, sometimes they could go.  Right mom?  Because dad said a long, long, looooonnnngggg time ago that Saydie went there and bit one of Grandma E's pillows.  NOW, can I just have my Leapster?  Pu-LEEZ!!!!

So I gave him one more shot at the Leapster.  I tried to talk him into a different game, but to no avail.  Within minutes the tears were back.  It was clear that we were in full meltdown mode.  The no nap, exhaustion from the flu, and cabin fever had reached its peak.  Off to bed he goes. 

By this time his in full fledged freak out.  Bawling and crying.  Refusing to get into his bed or to stay in it when I put him in there.  Somehow I am remaining calm and generally entertained by the whole thing.  I just kept telling him that I know how tired he is from being sick and he will feel better if he just lays down for a nap. 

He replies by screaming and telling me to just take all of his toys and stuffed animals.  (so we are back to the self-punishment).  I politely decline and start walking out of the room and he starts yelling at me to take his piggy banks.  He wants me to throw them in the trash.  And take all of his pictures, the laundry basket, and the basketball goal out and throw them away.  I asked him why we would throw all of his stuff away and he said it was because I am making him go to bed!

I told him to just go to bed and slowly backed out of the room and he yells after me "I don't want you to be my MOM!!!" 

Oh that's just freaking great.  Cuz I'm having a ball here myself!  But I get it.  He is beyond exhausted and just spouting anything that comes to mind.  I shut his door and go downstairs.  Within a few minutes he opens it and sets the stepping stool to his bed outside of his door.  Then yells down to me that I need to take his bed out of his room.  The poor kid was delirious by this point.  I don't think he could even cry anymore.  He was frantically looking around his room for things that I should take out.  I felt so bad for him that I finally just said that I would lay down with him for a few minutes and then when he wakes up we can figure out what items he wants removed from his room.

And somehow that was all he needed to hear because he said OK, crawled in bed, curled up in a ball, and calmed down.  I laid down face to face with him and watched my sweet little 4 year old fall asleep in about 45 seconds.  And the very, very, very best part of my day so far....right before he went to sleep he just looked at my with his heavy eyes and said "Love ya mom." 

Melts my heart!!

We will see what the 2nd half of the day brings.  My plan was to decorate Easter Eggs.  Surely there will be something blog-worthy in that experience!!!

OZ

It's been a whole month since I have blogged. Can this be true?  Where is the time going?  I seem to have writers block so I figured the only way to combat it is to just start writing and see what comes of it. So, let's see what I can pull out of my arse today!
I have said this to some people before, but I find it to be more and more true every day:  I think I am the Wizard of Oz reincarnate. 

Don't laugh.  OK, laugh...that is pretty much the whole point of my blog anyway.  But hear me out. 

I may look like I've got it all under control, but really I am standing behind a curtain pushing various buttons and pulling levers in a great attempt to make life look easy.  But behind the scenes...chaos!! Absolute chaos.  At home.  At work. Anywhere and everywhere I go.  I can't seem to get anything fully accomplished.  I've started several things....including a blog post a few weeks ago that never came together, but I can't see anything all the way through.  Maybe it's more ADD as opposed to O-Z....but the Oz comparison is much more fun!

If only I could click my red sparkly heels and it would all be resolved.  So wait.  Now I am wearing Dorothy's ruby slippers?  Am I part Wizard of Oz, part Dorothy?  Or am I just the Wizard with heels?  Do I have a split personality or am I a cross-dressing Wizard?  That might be a whole other blog entirely!

But, all I really want to be is the Glinda the Good Witch of the South.  And I know what you are all thinking.  The Wicked Witch of the West might be more accurate most of the time.   It's OK.  I embrace my bitchy side.  I own it.  Sometimes I stand in my kitchen or at my desk at work and look into my crystal ball and cast spells on all of you just for my amusement.  I don't mean any real harm.  Not like I am going to drop a house on you.  Or am I?????

But I really want to be Glinda (read in whiny voice).  I really, really want to.  Why can't I be Glinda??  She actually gets things done.  Who wouldn't want to fly around in a bubble in a pretty dress?  The Wizard is a freaking mess that everyone thinks has a lot of power, but likely has one foot planted firmly across the threshold of the loony bin.  Yup, that me. 

Glinda is not only the Good Witch but she doesn't actually do things for Dorothy and her clan.   She just encourages them and points them in the right direction. But not the Wizard.  Oh no.  He has everyone convinced that they can't accomplish anything without him. He creates dependency on his "powers."  Oh wait, that's me AGAIN. 

AND....Glinda has a magic wand.  I need a freakin' magic wand.  Poof the house is cleaned. Poof the record copies and redactions are done.  Poof all of the billing is done for work and home.  Poof my filing is complete.  Poof the laundry is folded and put away.  Yup, I need me a magic wand.  I wouldn't use it for evil.  I swear I wouldn't!!!

But alas, no magic wand to be found in this home.  Instead I will continue to hide behind my curtain feverishly pushing buttons and pulling levers in an attempt to make it all come together each and every day.  One of these days I'm going to drift off in my hot air balloon.  With my luck though it will probably snag on a tree about 3 blocks from home and I'll just end up walking my crazy self back to my own front door.  Ain't nothing on the other side of the rainbow anyway...or so I hear. 

OK, enough blogging for today.  I think I have sufficiently brought myself out of my writers block.  I am waiting for my munchkins to wake up from their naps.  I swear if they come down the stairs kicking their legs and singing "We represent the Lolly Pop kids" I will know I've really lost it.  But more than likely they will be the flying monkeys!  Screeching and flying through the house.  I think I see the beginning of some possible Halloween costumes.