Sassy McSasserson and his sidekick Big Bossy McGee star in The Day After the Flu

The flu has hit the O'Brien household.  And while I am thankful we are downward slope of this fun ride, this place between illness and full recovery has been...well, interesting to say the least.  The combination of weak stomachs, dehydration, exhaustion, low fevers, and cabin fevers = sassy with a capital S.

Fortunately for me, my wonderful husband picked up the first 2 shifts (middle of the night Thursday and work day on Friday) so most of the dirty work...literally DIRTY work...was done by the time I got home from work yesterday. 

This morning started with Leo waking up for all of 10 minutes to get doses of Tylenol and Mickey Mouse before falling back asleep in my bed.  Justin on the other hand woke up with a skip in his step.  He comes bounding up the steps ready to take on the day.  He announced he is hungry.  (ya think??)  Very specifically his announcement of hunger was "Mom, my belly said oink.  Or maybe it's going to throw up, but I think it just said oink."

We headed downstairs where he begged for every possible kind of breakfast.  He had yet to keep any food down except for 3 bites of banana last night so we were going slow.  He even tried to talk me into making blueberry muffins by telling me they are healthy.  "REALLY, they are mom."  But momma ain't in the mood to clean up blueberry vomit today so we stuck to toast. 

We made it through the morning with both boys being relatively low key.  Movies, Leapsters, small snacks.  We even made it through a small lunch of eggs and banana bread.  Very manageable.  Leo took a decent afternoon nap, but Justin just played with his imaginary friends and his stuffed animals in his bed for an hour or so.

And then the afternoon hit.  Seriously, I think it may have actually smacked me upside the head! 

Enter: Sassy McSasserson and his sidekick Big Bossy McGee.  Below is as close as I could get to an exact transcript of their conversation.  I was in the middle of banking but I whipped open a Word document to get this all on paper.  It was THAT good.  I'll admit upfront that I should have stopped this little tirade, but it was too freaking hilarious.

Justin's lack of nap was starting to wear on him.  He was getting very frustrated with his Leapster Wolverine game and so began the meltdown.  And ever the annoying little brother, Leo pounced. 

Leo: I not crying mommy.  Justee crying!! (as he waves his plastic shovel in Justin's face).

Justin: Don't get me with your shovel, Leeee-O.

Leo: Then you aren’t coming to my house!  (his new favorite sassy phrase).

Justin: I’m already at your house.

Leo: Well then OK. FINE.

(Justin mumbles some words of frustration with his Leapster.)

Leo: Quit saying words!  Mom, put Justin to bed.

Me: No, Leo.  And quit sassing.  Justin is just tired.

Leo: Well then YOU are not listening to ME!  (then to Justin in his very best bossy voice and with a wagging finger) YOU don't get to see the hamster at Big Daddy's house (Jeremy's parents).  So never mind!  (then some mumbled I didn't catch)

Me: What was the last part?

Leo: You heard me mom!  And you don't get to go to Big Daddy's house.

Justin: Everyone gets to go to Big Daddy's house!  Even mom gets to go because she is the one who drives. 

and I just start laughing out loud.  The whole conversation is just hilarious, but of course I am offending Justin by laughing at them.

Justin:  MOM. IT'S.  NOT.  FUNNY!  You are hurting my feelings.

So I try to get it under control.  And then Justin resumes Leapster playing for all of about 5 seconds before he gets frustrated again. He reports in a very firm voice that he is giving it away, which for some reason is his new thing.  He wants to give all of his stuff away as some sort of self punishment.  I asked who he will give it to and he says "Gavin.  Yeah, I will just give it to Gavin."  I told him we are not giving away his Leapster and I end up just having to turn the game off.  Which of course causes more of a meltdown.  He is laying on my shoulder sobbing when Leo pipes up again.

Leo:  NO PLAYING!

Justin through his sobs:  We aren't playing Leo.  Does this LOOK like we are playing??  If you don't stop sassing mom then I won't give you a Scooby Doo sticker chart.  I was going to give you one after bedtime next week. 

Leo reverts back to:  You can't come to Big Daddy's house anymore.

Justin: Everyone goes to Big Daddy's house!


Leo: Weeeeelllll, Sammy and Saydie don't go!  (our dogs). 

Oh, he gotcha there Justin!!!

Justin: Well, sometimes they could go.  Right mom?  Because dad said a long, long, looooonnnngggg time ago that Saydie went there and bit one of Grandma E's pillows.  NOW, can I just have my Leapster?  Pu-LEEZ!!!!

So I gave him one more shot at the Leapster.  I tried to talk him into a different game, but to no avail.  Within minutes the tears were back.  It was clear that we were in full meltdown mode.  The no nap, exhaustion from the flu, and cabin fever had reached its peak.  Off to bed he goes. 

By this time his in full fledged freak out.  Bawling and crying.  Refusing to get into his bed or to stay in it when I put him in there.  Somehow I am remaining calm and generally entertained by the whole thing.  I just kept telling him that I know how tired he is from being sick and he will feel better if he just lays down for a nap. 

He replies by screaming and telling me to just take all of his toys and stuffed animals.  (so we are back to the self-punishment).  I politely decline and start walking out of the room and he starts yelling at me to take his piggy banks.  He wants me to throw them in the trash.  And take all of his pictures, the laundry basket, and the basketball goal out and throw them away.  I asked him why we would throw all of his stuff away and he said it was because I am making him go to bed!

I told him to just go to bed and slowly backed out of the room and he yells after me "I don't want you to be my MOM!!!" 

Oh that's just freaking great.  Cuz I'm having a ball here myself!  But I get it.  He is beyond exhausted and just spouting anything that comes to mind.  I shut his door and go downstairs.  Within a few minutes he opens it and sets the stepping stool to his bed outside of his door.  Then yells down to me that I need to take his bed out of his room.  The poor kid was delirious by this point.  I don't think he could even cry anymore.  He was frantically looking around his room for things that I should take out.  I felt so bad for him that I finally just said that I would lay down with him for a few minutes and then when he wakes up we can figure out what items he wants removed from his room.

And somehow that was all he needed to hear because he said OK, crawled in bed, curled up in a ball, and calmed down.  I laid down face to face with him and watched my sweet little 4 year old fall asleep in about 45 seconds.  And the very, very, very best part of my day so far....right before he went to sleep he just looked at my with his heavy eyes and said "Love ya mom." 

Melts my heart!!

We will see what the 2nd half of the day brings.  My plan was to decorate Easter Eggs.  Surely there will be something blog-worthy in that experience!!!