the boys

the boys

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Behind in the Polls

Well, I lost Mother of the Year award several months back and with the way things are going it doesn’t appear I will be in the running again anytime soon. And now it would appear my Wife of the Year nomination is slipping from my grasp.

Yesterday just wasn’t my day. Picture me with a big pouty face and arms crossed. Things did not go my way. And I don’t like it when things don’t go my way. HMMFFFF! It wasn’t like anything major went wrong. Everyone is happy and healthy….well I nearly ruined the healthy part but we’ll get to that. I know I don’t have room to complain, but somehow the knowledge of that didn’t really stop me.

I could go on and on about all of the things that aren’t going my way, but really when I start to list them out in my head it’s almost just embarrassing how insignificant they are in the grand scheme of things. So with that, I will get to the real reason I started this post today: my campaign for Wife of the Year and how I likely won't even make it past the primaries.  I am not polling well, so to speak.

I started the year off pretty strong by being my stunningly perfect self, slipped slightly in the polling when I took 3 vacations this year without my dear husband, but came on strong at the end by buying him an IPad2 (with all of the extra money he earned from working a 4th job…..wait…..that seems less like my accomplishment and more like his. Hmmmm). Anywho, I think I still had a shot at the nomination. Until last night.

You might recall from two paragraphs ago that I didn’t have a stellar day. I came home and my sweet little Jeremy was taking down all of the Christmas decorations for me.  He's really the man behind the woman, behind the man.  Behind the woman.  Taking down the decorations is a big job and one that I don’t particularly care to take on. I am better at making a mess than picking it up. He and I are opposites in that way. It really works for us. Or maybe just for me. Hmmmm, again.

It was time to cook dinner. I felt obligated to take on that task since he had just finished taking down all the decorations. Of course I had worked all day and spent the day putting out fires on various cases. But really….life’s not fair, right? And we all have to eat. We have very little food in our house this week. We are kind of in clean-out mode. Dinner for the last two nights has been a hodge-podge of leftovers and items that we need to use up before they spoil. We had a choice of breaded pork loins from Schwanns or Tomato Basil soup with grilled cheeses. Fancy, I know. Don’t be jealous of my Julia Childs' like household. I know you are.  Really, don't be.  OK, be jealous.  It will just eat away at you.

Apparently Jeremy voted for soup and grilled cheese but somehow in my mind I switched that over to pork loins. I know what you are thinking. This story is so good and suspenseful you can’t hardly stop reading it! Pork loins instead of soup! I’m pretty sure the Today Show is going to call any minute to share this story on the national news.  We might just be the lead story on my new favorite TV show, Rock Center with Brian Williams.  He's yummy. 

Ohhhh, I JUST realized that publicly salivating after an older man miiiiiiight work against me in this campaign. Damn.

Anywho, next task was to figure out side dishes. Again with the hodge-podge. I was desperate. Really, really desperate. Jeremy had already turned his nose up at me once when he realized I had screwed up the menu choice. But seriously, I’m not a freaking waitress!! And I was not put here to serve you. Whoa! Where did that come from? Got a little off track there.

So, sides. Back to the sides. Jeremy always complains that we don’t eat rice. Our son was highly allergic to it for the first several years of his life so it was banned from our house…..or was it??? We occasionally bought frozen meals or microwave meals for lunches with rice in them knowing we would take them to work. So, as I rummaged through the cupboard (do people really use that word anymore?) I found a Rice-in-a bowl microwave meal.  PERFECT!  Jeremy's side for the night. 

I cooked and served dinner.  We ate.  (again, I know this story if RIVITING!!!)  Time for clean up.  I noticed that Jeremy didn't actually eat the rice.  Deep down inside I knew why, but I had to ask.  "Honey, did you not like the rice??"  "No, it sucked." 

And this.....this, my where my campaign really derailed.  This was the breaking news story that interrupted your previous scheduled programming to splash my faults to all of the world.  Well, not really.  I'm doing it by posting this blog but it's really more exciting to think of it the other way.

I could have looked into the camera (or Jeremy's face as the case may be) and lied.  It's what we, in the biz, all do.  Or I could have claimed innocence and thrown someone else under the bus.  Low man on the totem pole is to blame.  It would have been easy.  Leo is the obvious target.  He's low man in the house and could have done any number of things to that rice.  But I'm a strong woman.  Hear me roar. 

Again, I know the suspense is killing you!! This is good stuff here. Literary work of art.

So I confess.  I knowingly fed Jeremy a Rice-in-a-bowl that expired in December 2009.  Oopsy daisy!  In my defense he always brags about having an iron stomach.  He once ate a loaf of bread from a co-workers locker that had been there for a YEAR while the co-worker was overseas in the military.  So really, was this that bad?  I didn't think it would really hurt him.  And again, in my defense, it didn't really.  His stomach as a little upset as we went to bed.  And he had some really bad gas, but really that all that different than any other Tuesday night?  No, it is not.

So now I just have to wait on the vote.  Am I still in the running?  Can I bounce back in the polls?  Can I start a smear campaign against the other canidates to divert attention?  Yeah, I can probably do that.  I can actually probably be pretty good at that. 

Crossing my fingers that I come out at least in the top 2 on Super Tuesday.  Right now I'm polling behind his IPad2.  I might be behind in the polls now, but there is still time to redeem myself and reenergize my campaign.  I suspect it will require lingere. 

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