Monday Night

I don't get a chance to blog much anymore, but this is just a quick example of the chaos that is my life.  Jeremy has the older 2 kids at the store buying valentine's so I only have one kid to take care of.  Just one kid.  It should be easy at least in comparison to what I'm used to. 

First of all I parked too close to the garage door.  My garage door is broke so I have to park in the driveway which is covered in snow.  I made the poor decision of wearing flats today with thin socks.  This does not work well when walking through snow.  I really don't know what I was thinking.  I also had about 4 loads of things to bring in from my car from a lunch we hosted at work today.  I tried to squeeze between the garage door and my car.  It worked.  Not well. But it worked. 

First load: Will on one hip, keys in my hand, paper bag full of bowls and utensils in the other hand.  Got to the door.  Couldn't figure out how to unlock the door with no free hands.  Ice/snow from the roof is starting to melt and dripping huge drops on both of our heads.  Had to shove Will against the door and hold him with my hip while I fumbled for the keys.  I couldn't set the paper bag down in the snow (duh) so I also tried to prop it up with my hip.  It didn't go well.  Dog barking from inside.  Bag slipping.  Will slipping.  Dog still barking.  Finally got into the house.

I set Will down and headed out for load #2.  Took a different route this time and went behind the car.  I slipped on the ice. Didn't fall though. Came in with load #2.  Oops.  I forgot to shut the gate and Will was halfway up the stairs.  Sadly, in my mind I thought "well at least he was still in his big winter coat so if he fell while I was outside it probably would have broke his fall." 

Load #3 and #4 because like pretty much everyone I refuse to take more trips than necessary so I loaded myself up with everything I possibly could and made one more trek through the snow covered driveway and steps into the house.  Got almost to the door and the paper bag with my bowls in it ripped and all of the glass bowls go crashing to the sidewalk.  I can't believe none of them broke.  the snow must have broken their fall.  As I get inside I see that Will has now made his way up onto our couch, which he has never done before.  I realize now that one of his toys is close enough to use as a stepping stool onto the couch.  Once again, crisis averted as I was able to grab him before he fell/jumped off.  Of course, he was still in his coat so again I'm thinking it might break the fall a bit. 

After I went outside and gathered the various bowls and lids off of the front steps, I came in to this:

Now, if he could only learn how to fix me dinner we would really be in business!!!

Christmas cards

Today I am thankful for a few minutes to write a quick blog.  Unfortunately it comes because two-thirds of my children are sick with the stomach bug and thus sound asleep on a Sunday morning.  Nonetheless, I am going to take advantage of some peace and quiet to quickly write out my thoughts.

I am sitting here preparing to address our family Christmas cards.  I started thinking about the cards themselves.  Ours, like many, are a nice collage of family photos from this year with a small square with our names and a quick message wishing our loved ones a blessed Christmas.  

I started thinking that sending Christmas cards used to be about genuinely sending warm wishes and Christmas blessings to our friends and family.  I think it has turned into more of a way to showcase a photo of ourselves and our kids/families/pets.  Like so many things in life it seems to have become a self-centered activity.  I have certainly been falling into that trap the last few years.  It's become a way to show people the fun vacations we have been on this year (guilty as charged, ours are beach pictures this year), or how beautiful our Christmas tree turned out this year (yeah, that was last year's photo I think), or how stinkin' adorable our kids are (that's me pretty much every year) or my face lift and new boobs (maybe next year). 

Maybe showing ourselves off was a bit more necessary or at the very least excusable before Facebook enabled us to share every single moment and photo with our family and friends, but now it seems less necessary.   Nearly everyone on my Christmas card list either sees my children frequently or sees pictures of them on Facebook. 

I used to be fairly decent at sending cards to family and loved ones on holidays or special occasions.  I rarely, rarely do it anymore.  Yet every Christmas I make sure to get them out to everyone.  It's all seeming very self-indulgent the more and more I think about it. 

So, I'm not preaching about it, I'm just sort of doing some self-reflection.  Just trying to bring myself back to the "reason for the season."  So this year when you get my self-indulgent card showing off my cute little kids on our fun beach trip, please also know that I very sincerely wish each of you the merriest of Christmas's.

I wish you this Irish Christmas Blessing:
The light of the Christmas star to you
The warmth of hearth and home to you
The cheer and good will of friends to you
The hope of a childlike heart to you
The joy of a thousand angels to you
The love of the Son and God's peace to you

Pause

I always thought it was silly when the State would call a hiring freeze a hiring "pause."  It was obvious word play.  I'm not sure if I am doing word play or just trying to ease my own thoughts on the matter, but I've decided to officially go on a "blogging pause." I haven't paid much attention to the stats part of blogging, but I just checked and as of yesterday I have had 10,098 views on my blog since it started in 2010.  Not too shabby.

I have blogged so rarely in the last year since William was born.  I don't blame the little cherub, of course, it's just that life has gotten pretty busy.  I can't give my posts the kind of attention that I used to. I still write them in my head in the middle of the night or while driving, but I just don't have the time to put it on paper, so to speak.  I just gotta allow myself to give it up for now.  It's taken me 3 weeks to get up the gumption just to convince myself I'm on this pause.  By calling it a pause, I feel like I am giving myself the out that if I can get to a place of "un-pause" it will still be here waiting on me. 

So I thought I would conclude this phase of my blogging life by once again plugging my life theme. 

IT'S NOT WRONG, IT'S DIFFERENT. 

Really, truly think about that the next time you have an opinion about someone or something. 

May God continue to bless each of you.
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Oh Well, Better Luck Next Year

I am constantly disappointing myself. OK that's not even true.  I am mostly amused by things I do that should disappoint me.  Here's just a few examples from this weekend of why my bid for Mother of the Year is slowly slipping from my grasp yet again. 

1.  Upon finding three different kinds of food in Will's hair this morning during church I found myself wondering when was the last time I gave him a bath.  And I couldn't remember. I literally could not remember the last time I gave the kid a bath.  If memory serves me correctly Jeremy gave him one on Thursday night while I was at the gym working out.  Seriously I was.  So Thursday night to Sunday morning.  In 100 degree heat.  Well, he's clean now so that's all that really matters.   Reason I might still be in the running for MOTY:  I took them to church. 

2.  I have consistently demonstrated to my children that procrastination is acceptable.  We did Justin's homework 10 minutes before bedtime tonight.  Reason I'm still in the running:  We actually did his homework

3.  While doing the aforementioned homework with Justin I convinced Leo his very helpful role could be rubbing my feet.  Reason I'm still in the running:  I'm teaching him to be attentive to the women in his life (I realize I might be stretching it a little on that one).

4.  I let Leo wear this out of the house today.  To one of Justin's friend's house.  That we don't even know that well.  But one of her kids has answered the door in his underwear so I think we're still cool. 

 yes, that is a child's three piece suit minus one of the pieces.....oh, and the shirt.  
Reason I am still in the running: I didn't let him wear it to church like he really, really, really wanted to. 

Plan vs. Focus

A very wise man told me this week that he has never had a plan and he isn't going to start now.  I was in much agreement. 

This week I submitted my resignation for a job that I have known and loved for eight years.  And that was not the plan.  No, no, no that was not the plan.  Or what I had thought was the plan. 

I should have known better.  All of the best things in my life have been unexpected.  My life works best and moves forward smoothly when I stop trying to plan and force it into action.  My life works best when I focus on what is important to me.  FOCUS.  Stop planning.  Stop assuming.  Just focus. 

It's not that what I thought was my plan was a bad way to go.  It was working for me.  It was very solid.  Very consistent.  Definitely was a great option.  I could have stayed in that job for another ten years and been just fine.  I could have promoted and retired with a state pension.  I know those are hard to come by these days.  But possibly, just possibly, I was not completely satisfied.  Not completely fulfilled in my ever increasing desire to challenge and extend my abilities.  And I didn't even realize that until I opened my heart and mind to the fact that there might be another path for me.  Opened my mind and heart to the fact that not only was change possible, but very much within my grasp.  It is ok to change. 

And just as soon as I became comfortable with that thought and began to really spend some time in prayer for what it could mean for me, change happened.  The power of prayer will never cease to amaze me.  Change dropped right in my lap.  Happened fast and furious. I wasn't looking or particularly seeking it out.  But it is SO right for me.  I found it and it found me.  There are some definite parts to it that are out of my comfort zone; out of my usual  program areas.  It's still social work and still focused on the safety of children in our community.  I have so much to learn from my future peers and employees.  I am so ready to soak up every bit of knowledge they have about forensic interviewing and management of the program.  But there are also parts of this new job that are just screaming my name.  Such a great fit for me.  Like a hand in a glove (or jug, as Allison would say).  The possibilities seem endless.  I have so much to offer and so much to gain. 

But oh I am so sad to leave my job.  I've cried more in the last 9 days than I probably have in the last 9 years.  Well, that might be a bit of an exaggeration but still I am surprised at my own emotions.  Maybe a more accurate statement would be that I have cried more in front of people in the last 3 days than I have in all of my time in Platte County.  No one can ever convince me there is a better working team in Missouri.  For anyone that has ever studied group settings, we are in Stage 4: Performing.  (if you care, we went through stages 1-3 of forming, storming, and norming....and oh, the fond memories I have of those stages!).  We have been "performing" our asses off for about the last 4 years.  We have made significant strides in how we serve foster youth in Platte County and move them to the best possible permanency outcome.  I am SO PROUD to have been a part of it.

But I am reminded that I am only one person on that team.  One spoke on the ol' wagon wheel for those of you that will get that reference ;) At one point in time I would have thought that it was so much of my own doing.  How very narcissistic of me.  How unfortunate to not give as much value to all of the many other team members that make Platte Co function.  I previously would have never thought about leaving for fear that it would all implode without my leadership.  But, I am learning that leadership is more about leading than it is doing.  I was a do'er for most of my time in Platte County.  Carried it on my shoulders for a long time, unnecessarily. That team is going to be successful in serving the families in Platte County with or without me.  My standard motto of "it's not wrong, it's just different" will be well played out in Platte Co over the next few months and years.  For my staff, the community players, the foster parents, and the families it won't be the way "Gwen did it" but it will a different way to do it.  Sometimes a little bit more right, sometimes a little bit more wrong.  Different. 

And the same will be true in my new job.  I'm stepping into a wonderfully well-oiled machine which is something that is completely foreign to me.  Clean up someone's mess?  Solve someone's disaster? I'm your gal.  Continue to maintain and strengthen the integrity and functioning of a well managed program?  Well, we'll just see how that goes. 

New job.  New focus. Planning, be damned.  Very much looking forward to it. 

Proverbs 19:21  "Many are the plans in a mans heart but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." 

Rock-a-bye-bye, my baby!

Sad.  So very, very sad.  I feel like a fool though because I know that people have real loss in their lives and this loss is very superficial, but a loss nonetheless.  I can't hardly bear to even write the words.  Here goes.

I, Gwen O'Brien, no longer have a recliner in my living room.

There.  I said it.  I am a disgrace to my family.  The Hales family will disown me for sure.  How have I become such a....such a.....such an O'Brien??  I mean when I first met Jeremy and his family I thought "who ARE these people?"  With their crazy couch and loveseat set-ups.  No moving furniture?  Wh-wh-whaaaat???  I mean I love them, but WTF??

It's ok.  It's gonna be ok.  I can survive this.  I know it seems silly but this is a truly painful shift in my life.  I was born and raised on a recliner.  Well, not born on one.  That would have just been awkward and quite frankly disgusting.  But I would bet a lot of money it was the first place I visited upon being brought home from the hospital.  Which is really why I think this is so painful.  Rocking recliners are meant for rockin' babies.  And I have.  For 6 straight years I have rocked my babies in my living room and now I just have to sit on a stupid couch and stare at them.  And they at me.  BORING.  And not at all relaxing.  Or comforting.

It was this last little baby that is responsible. Yes, I have William to thank for this.  And yes, I will hold him responsible for the rest of his life.  That tiny kid has spewed so much spit up on me and that chair that it couldn't be saved.  No amount of Febreze could save it.  I have tried.

Oh I miss it so much.  This is the first blog I have ever written while slouching on my couch.  Stupid couch and ottoman.  It's true that our living room looks better with the two matching pieces of furniture in it.  It was overcrowded with my recliner and it didn't match.  But I didn't care.  Beauty isn't everything.  It's what is inside that counts.  I don't know how that is even relevant here but it sounds good. 

I refused to let the new fancy furniture bully my sweet little 1990-esk recliner.  I continued to give it all of my attention even after we bought new furniture 3 years ago.  It was perfectly fit to my body.  I had it for 15 long years!  It has lived in 2 states, 3 cities, and 8 households.  And now it is sitting sadly in the garage awaiting it's death.  I wonder if it even knows.  If it's out there wondering what it could have done differently.  I wonder if it's silently cursing the overstuffed chair or if it's stepping aside gracefully for the newer and perkier models.  I wonder if it's feeling unloved and abandoned or if it's just basking in the wonderful memories we made over the years.  I wonder if I'm even still writing about the chair.  Awkward.

I miss the glue stain where Louie ate a bottle of Elmer's glue on it when he was a puppy.  I miss losing the remote in the sides.  I miss the boys climbing up on the arms to sit and read books with me.  Wayyyyyy to much room for all of us on the couch.  On my chair we were crammed together.  And it was a good thing. 

But it had to go.  I loved you dear, dear recliner, but it was time to let you go.  And with your departure enters a new era in my life.  One of boring, matching, adult furniture. BLAH!

O'Brien Boy Stories

'Cuz who doesn't like some good ol' O'Brien boy stories....I've been writing them down quickly when they occur to blog later.  as I put them together today I was surprised how many were potty humor.  Not sure why I am surprised though.  It will be my life for the next 20+ years. 

Me: We are having spaghetti for dinner.
Leo:  NOOOO!  I don't want spaghetti.  I get so tired.  I have to twist and twist and twist and twist and twist and twist.  I'm so tired!

After Leo asked for his vitamin Justin said "Do I dare ask for one too?" 

Favorite one-liners from Daycare Bowling night:
Leo:  I took a poop.  Now let's bowl!
Justin:  I really thought there would be an audience.

Watching the Billboard Music Awards and Justin Beiber was accepting an award and thanking his fans:
Justin: THAT'S Justin Beiber?  I think I'm one of his fans.  Aren't I? 

Leo:  (while Justin was getting in trouble) Mom, you are beautiful and wonderful and I love your toenails. 

While watching me change Will's poopy diaper:
Leo:  Remember dad's big poop?
Justin:  Yeah.  It was bigger than Will's.  Because Dad is bigger.  His was HUGE!
Leo:  I have to poop.
Justin: If I had 100 kids our house would smell like a diaper. 

Justin came running out of the lake with an urgent need to use the restroom (#2). 
Me: What's with you waiting until the last minute to tell me you have to go potty?
Justin:  Wellllll, sometimes I fake it.  You know like how I fake stuff sometimes?
Me: Like what?
Justin:  Like when you tell me to go wash my hands or something and I just go upstairs but I just fake it and don't really do it.   (pause)  Sorry about that, by the way